To All The Single Ladies

Dear friend who’s single and desires a husband:

Gosh, you’re wonderful. Did you know that? In case you don’t hear it from anyone else today, read these words and MAKE YOURSELF BELIEVE IT:

You are wonderful, beautiful, desirable and worth it.

Honestly, I don’t know why you’re alone. I don’t know why God hasn’t brought you a husband yet. I don’t know why you struggle. I don’t know why you’ve done everything right, followed the Lord, protected your heart and you’re still alone. I don’t have any answers you’ll like.

I was single for 25 years. Yes, for most of those years I was under 15 years old, but I was single throughout high school and college, plus a few years after that. I don’t feel like that disqualifies me from being in your shoes. If we start counting at 15, I was also a single girl who dreamed of having a husband for 10 long years. So I get it. It’s hard for me because now that I’m married, it feels like all y’all won’t listen to my thoughts on singleness. It’s like you disregard that I WENT THROUGH IT, TOO. At one point, I didn’t think anyone could love me.

Yes, I acknowledge that many of you have been single for much longer. Some of you have had your hearts broken in ways I have not and could not ever understand. But don’t write me off. Please, stop being bitter. Stop being jealous. Stop. And just listen to me…

God has a plan for your life.Until you understand what that means, I mean truly understand it, you won’t be content with your singleness.

Nobody wants to hear the whole spiel that “God has a plan.” I get it. But it’s still truth. It’s still valid, despite your feelings. It’s not like God doesn’t have a plan. It’s not like God is sitting up there judging your actions and disqualifying you from love. Be careful that bitterness doesn’t cloud your sight. Be cautious, because even with clear eyes, you can’t possibly know and see everything. No one can fathom the plans God has. His ways are not our ways.

I really do believe God is in control, and when He wants you to meet your husband, He’ll make it happen. And if it’s not in God’s plan for you to have a husband, well, then you won’t. Just like it may not be in God’s plan for you to be wealthy, have kids, travel the world, or live a healthy life. It’s not that God is punishing you. It’s not that God doesn’t want you to be happy. But life isn’t about happiness, and life isn’t about you. Life is about seeking after God and striving to worship Him and bring Him praise in everything we do.

God promises that He has a plan for you: to give you a future and a hope. That doesn’t mean a husband. That doesn’t mean there won’t be struggles. That doesn’t mean there won’t be heartbreak, peril and sickness. OH MY GOSH you can get married and still have struggles, heartbreak and pain. You can finally meet a wonderful man, get married, and then he could die in a car accident. You could get married, make mistakes, and end up in divorce court.

Girls, marriage is really hard. It’s really, really hard. You will find out how selfish you are. Your life will change forever. Are you ready for that? Maybe God knows something you don’t.

Maybe you aren’t where you need to be for the man God has planned for you.

Maybe it’s not even about you! Maybe your future husband isn’t where he needs to be for YOU.

Maybe if you met your future husband TODAY, you’d walk the other way. God knows that. That’s why this timeline of yours is silly. Maybe the truth is that you’d miss your husband if he walked into the room right now and stared at you in the face. God knows that.

I know for a FACT that had I met my husband, Mack, in high school, I wouldn’t have given him the time of day. I wouldn’t have talked to him. I wouldn’t have liked him. He wouldn’t have liked me. We would have missed each other.

But, in God’s perfect timing, He worked on both of us individually so that when He brought us together, we knew something was there.

So please stop feeling sorry for yourself.You’re not unlovable. You haven’t missed “The One.”

I’m not totally sold on this “there’s more than one soul mate” idea, but I do believe that God can bless you with more than one person to marry. So if you feel like you missed someone God intended for you, stop feeling sorry for yourself, because OUR GOD IS BIGGER AND GREATER than that.

If you feel like no one could love you because of your past, stop. That is complete nonsense. My husband and I both have scars that neither of us thought anyone could see past. BUT SOMEHOW WE BOTH COMPLETELY LOVE EACH OTHER EVEN WITH OUR PAST MISTAKES. EVEN WITH OUR CURRENT FLAWS. Because God prepared us for each other.

The biggest hurdle I had to get past was feeling like there was something wrong with me. I mean, there IS something wrong with me–I’m crazy. But that’s beside the point. You have to stop believing the lies playing inside your head.

You are worth more than some mediocre guy who flirts with you now and then. You deserve a man who pursues you. You are worth more than the guys who string you along. You deserve a man who goes through God to get to your heart. Don’t settle for less than a godly man who will protect your heart and keep God in the center.

Yes, those men are few and far between. But they’re worth waiting for, and even if you never meet a man like that, your heart is not worth compromising.

All this to say, I’m sorry if you’re alone. I’m sorry if you’re jealous. I’m sorry if you’ve had to watch all your friends find someone while you’re left single. I’m sorry you yearn for a love you don’t have yet. I really do want that for you. I really do understand. I really do want to start a matchmaking service so that I can put an end to this madness! I’m writing this because I think YOU’RE PRETTY GREAT, after all.

I don’t have any answers that you’ll like. All I can tell you is this: I’m here for you.

All I can encourage you to do is keep serving God and honoring God and protecting your heart. Let God guide you through your life. Make wise decisions. Seek God when you mess up. Believe you are beautiful. Believe you are worthy of love. Believe you are wonderful.

Being single doesn’t change any of that.