I'm told sex before marriage is amazing.
Probably is. No doubt.
Having sex before marriage is probably better than waiting until your wedding night because you've probably 1) had practice, 2) haven't been under stress from planning a wedding, and 3) reached that point in the relationship where your love for each other is hot, intoxicating and exciting beyond words!
But that is not what sex is about.
Hebrews 13:4 (The Message) - "Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband."
Sex is a beautiful, wonderful act designed by God between a husband and wife.
A month into courting Mack, I knew I was going to marry him. It was as if God had sent down a beam of light on his adorable self. No joke, it was the clearest message God has ever sent me, and I am beside myself with thanks for that.
I knew it because of the way we could see that God had designed us for each other--in our beliefs, convictions, dreams, similarities and differences. His timing for bringing us together was impeccable. He'd brought us through struggles separately and prepared us to be stronger together.
It also helped that I was super attracted to him. Like, let's-just-skip-first-and-second-base-and-round-third-to-get-home kind of attraction. The chemistry was there, a beautiful backdrop to a growing friendship with Jesus at the center.
Of course we wanted to have sex. I mean, duh. It's human nature.
But God created sex to be reserved until marriage. It's biblical. So for us, there was no debate. It wasn't even a choice we had to make. It was simply obedience. Sure, it's one of the hardest acts of obedience God asks of us. Humans are designed to experience the pleasures of sex, after all! If you think we didn't struggle and want to just give in, you're crazy.
But we were driven to protect each other's hearts, minds and bodies.
Above all else, we persevered to honor God--forsaking our own emotions and desires. That's why God called us to create the boundaries we did, so that we could glorify Him and not risk doing something we'd regret. (Not that we don't believe God wouldn't have forgiven us or blessed us had we had sex, but we never wanted it to get that far.)
See, I believe this life is not about me. Or you. It's not about how much pleasure we can attain. It's not about finding stability, love or happiness. It's not about doing what works for you. It's about God. It's about growing in your relationship with God and knowing Him more. It's about honoring, worshiping and serving Him in everything you do. It's about telling others about His love and grace. It's about loving the Lord with all your heart and striving to be like Christ, despite all our imperfections. God doesn't promise us it will always be easy or pain free, and that's OK. It's my honor to call Him my Savior, and I will follow Him no matter what.
But I digress.
Sex After Marriage Is Absolutely Perfect, But It Isn't Amazing. (At First.)
Yes, I'll repeat that so you don't think it's a typo. Waiting to have sex until after we were married made sex absolutely perfect, even if the pleasure wasn't worthy of being called amazing at first. It was exciting, but we had to figure some things out. (Nobody panic! I have the husband's permission to be honest here!) I mean, it made sense. We'd only just kissed a few hours beforehand. We'd only ridden in the car alone for the first time after that! We didn't know each other's body yet, so of course it wasn't "amazing." And that's exactly how it's supposed to be.
Let me be clear: Sex gets better each time. And better. And better. And wow, we're only two months and a few weeks in, but it's oh-so-great! I think it's definitely worthy to be called AMAZING, and I don't even feel like we've scratched the surface. (Sorry, Dad, that you had to read that! You know I'm blunt.)
Sex after marriage is perfect and more meaningful to me because we're using it the way God intended. Because we buckled down and remained obedient. Now it means so much more!
Some people have asked me if the boundaries we had made us rigid in our marriage when we were finally allowed to touch each other. The answer? Nope, boundaries freed us up to truly be ourselves and get to know each other on a deeper level, which is so contrary to what I've been told from media--that sex is what brings you closer. That may be true on some levels, but I think God is ultimately the one who completes a relationship and makes the intimacy spike off the charts!
Despite what people think of as "strict boundaries" during our courtship, I can happily and thankfully say that our intimacy comes so naturally. It's like God's way of rewarding our faithfulness (which is SO COOL). Now that those boundaries are gone, it has never even been awkward (at least to me), and even if it has, so what? That's love, when you can be awkward with each other and then laugh about it and make-out through it. It's wonderful.
So, yeah. In my opinion, you can definitely have mind-blowing, amazing, wonderful sex before you're married.
But I hope you'll choose to have mind-blowing, amazing, wonderful and God-honoring sex by waiting until you're married, the way God designed it.