Dear Self: At Least We Have The Opportunity To Fight

Dear Self,

Fighting with Mack sucks. I know, because I’m you. And I know how much you LOVE HIM. Arguing, disagreeing… Being so frustrated with him that you A) want to throw a lamp across the room or B) have to take a long drive alone. It’s painful.

Take a breath. It’s OK. This argument will pass. And you’ll both be wiser for going through it. And you will get through it because you’re both in this for life.

Remember, every married couple fights. It’s normal. You aren’t the only ones. Plus, fighting makes agreeing wonderfully blissful! It helps you cherish those moments when everything is perfect in the world and your love is abounding and all that romantic stuff. So, give it up for fighting for helping you cherish the lovey-dovey times. In all seriousness, though, fighting is priceless, because that’s when you REALLY learn about each other. About yourself. About your past. About your flaws. About what you need to work on. Fighting shows you where you need to stretch and grow.

Don’t forget who you’re married to. Confrontation isn’t something he likes. Actually, he hates it. But doesn’t it make you SO PROUD when he does confront you? How happy are you when he argues and communicates his feelings, because then you know it’s something he’s striving to do?! It’s proof that he’s growing. BECAUSE HE FREAKING LOVES YOU AND WANTS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO FLOURISH.

Take time to notice every small step he makes. Take time to check your own anger. And for the love of all things good, BE PATIENT, even when you don’t think you can be any more patient.

Self, remember: Fighting isn’t the end of the world or your marriage. Fighting is healthy. It’s a blessing to be married to someone who has opinions and convictions and stubborn loyalty.

And your man is the king of stubborn loyalty.

Don’t give up. Learn how to fight productively. Learn to listen to him. Listen to yourself and take the time to choose the right words to explain how you feel. Don’t ever let fights be in vain. Strive to grow, every single time. Strive to be humble. Don’t forget to apologize.

When in doubt, listen to God, because how many times has God gotten you through it? God’s a mastermind like that. He knows what Mack needs, and He won’t hesitate to tell you. Remember that one time when God told you to just love him through it? That outcome was humbling and beautiful. It changed you both for the better.

Again, I know you’re upset. I know how angry you both are at each other. I know how painful this is…

But remember when you were courting? You rarely had the opportunity to end fights. Your curfew was 10 p.m. Texting stopped. Phone calls stopped. You both went home, and that was it. Because you lived so far apart, you couldn’t always resolve an argument the next day either. Sometimes it took days. And it SUCKED.

But now, Self, AT LEAST YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO FIGHT. IN PERSON. TOGETHER. IN YOUR HOME.

And that’s what makes all this fighting OK. Because he’s your husband. You married him. He’s yours. And you’re his.

So, choose to love him. Every day.

Happy fighting! (And making up!)